Hm.

No matter how much I may doubt myself, how much I dislike myself, how many backward steps I take - there are small moments, such as certain conversations...and certain arrangements of musical notes....that make me feel alright.

And with that...

I am going to start writing music again.

An actual update of my life

I'm moving to Massachusetts in a couple of weeks.

No.

I am tired of this responsibility to humankind. I am tired of it all.

My red world here, now, means more to me than your blue one. Let me show you.

I am becoming violently detached from humanity. If I had a cell phone, I would stay off the internet completely. I wish it were possible from me to eradicate all human interaction in my life altogether, but I do need a job. It would also be nice if my brain would stop putting together painful situations and looping them in my head for hours on end, particularly when I'm trying to fall asleep or think positively.

Help me.

What the fuck am I supposed to do? I don't even know who I'm asking, I'm just that fucking desperate. I know I'm stronger than this, but why can't I act or feel like it. I've never felt so lost in my life. I've always given for everyone, and been there for everyone, and right now I really can't even handle my own life.