No.

I am tired of this responsibility to humankind. I am tired of it all.

My red world here, now, means more to me than your blue one. Let me show you.

I am becoming violently detached from humanity. If I had a cell phone, I would stay off the internet completely. I wish it were possible from me to eradicate all human interaction in my life altogether, but I do need a job. It would also be nice if my brain would stop putting together painful situations and looping them in my head for hours on end, particularly when I'm trying to fall asleep or think positively.

Help me.

What the fuck am I supposed to do? I don't even know who I'm asking, I'm just that fucking desperate. I know I'm stronger than this, but why can't I act or feel like it. I've never felt so lost in my life. I've always given for everyone, and been there for everyone, and right now I really can't even handle my own life.

Hm.

I have discovered many things as of late:

- People are not always kind. People can be cruel, manipulative, unforgiving, menacing, selfish, arrogant, and just outright terrible. These people can be strangers, or people you thought were good, kind people. Either way, you have to press on. You cannot let yourself be dragged down by people like this. It is incredibly difficult. Often people are much like false corpses. They pretend to rot and decay for status, not because it is natural and genuine.

- Then, there are people very much worth your time.

- Then, there is the one person that you will meet that will change your life in ways you never even dreamed possible, and it will complete you.

- Money is absolutely terrible. This isn't something I've just learned, but something that's been echoed louder and louder the more I age.

- Love is always worth it.




To anyone reading this, be optimistic, and thank you for reading it.
I apologize if I jumped around a lot, my writing style is not perfection at 6 AM.
Hope you are well.




EDIT:// Dunno if I believe this anymore.

Deleted.

Post.

Heh.

I was in a terrible mood yesterday, and then it completely switched around. There are a lot of things going on in my head right now, and I'm not really at liberty to talk about them...but things are going to be different...I can tell.

I spent most of the evening putting together a playlist of dancey songs, and making a photobucket for a lot of the pictures I've found over time. I then went outside and laid in the driveway while watching the sunrise and listening to music. It was incredible.


Now I am covered in stickers (the papery nice kind, not the painful ouchy kind).


Also, boys are neat sometimes.

Thoughts.

I've never been much of a fan of myself. Hell, I've always been quite the critic....but suddenly, I feel an immense deal of purpose.

And it is incredibly beautiful and gratifying.
I did not expect to ever feel this way, but I don't want it to stop.

Pain comes and pain goes. Bad things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people. It switches out, and balance and harmony are achieved. There is no telling why things happen the way they do, but they do anyway. The best you can do is try to work with what you have, and know that it's going to be okay in the end.




This song will always make me euphoric.